Worried about friends or family?

Are you worried about a family member or friend who may be having memory problems? Everybody can be forgetful. But if memory loss is worrying you or someone you know, don’t keep it to yourself. The confidential 24hr Dementia Helpline 0808 808 3000 provides information, signposting and emotional support.

Family and friends

Often, it is family and friends who first notice that someone is having problems with their memory.

If you are living with someone or see them regularly, you might see a sudden change or spot subtle changes which seem to get worse over time; if you only get together for Christmas or other family events, you might see a big difference from the last time you saw the person.

All of us have occasions when our memory lets us down - we forget where we left the car keys, can't remember the name of a film or TV star, or come home from the supermarket without the one item we went for in the first place. That is very common. But if it starts to become a real problem and interfere with our daily lives then it's important to go to the doctor.

Sometimes, the person's memory may not seem to be affected but there may be changes in behaviour or personality instead. Someone who is normally outgoing might become reclusive; someone who is usually thrifty or cautious might start to spend money unwisely.

Could it be dementia?

Yes it could, but it's important to remember that memory and behaviour problems can be caused by many other conditions such as:

• a chest or a bladder infection
• depression or anxiety
• side effects of drugs
• bereavement
• thyroid problems

The person's GP can investigate what might be causing the symptoms and provide appropriate treatment or refer to a specialist.

Our booklet Getting help from your doctor will help you to find out how doctors and other health workers can help. There is a section for relatives or carers of people with dementia or who suspect that someone has dementia.

What should I do?

If you are worried, try talking over your worries with the person you are worried about. He or she may be very aware of the changes but has been too anxious to mention them.

Encourage the person to go to the doctor, either with you if possible or alone. Sometimes the person may not be aware of the problems you have noticed or may deny there's anything wrong. They may refuse to visit the doctor or they may play down any difficulties when they talk to the doctor. It's important that the doctor gets a full picture so you may want to make a separate appointment to discuss the situation.

What if it is dementia?

Getting a diagnosis may come as a relief after months of anxiety or uncertainty, or it may be a great shock to all concerned. Everyone will react differently. You may find it hard to talk over your feelings with your family member or friend. If so, the Dementia Helpline 0808 808 3000 can provide a confidential listening ear as well as information about all aspects of dementia, including local services and sources of support.

Once a diagnosis is made, the person's doctor can talk about any suitable treatments and care options available.

This is also a good time for the person to start thinking about the future and you may want to discuss things like:

• powers of attorney
• advance directives or living will about what treatments the person would or would not want
• getting other affairs in order (for example, writing a will).

Alzheimer Scotland has a booklet 'Dementia: money and legal matters' which covers these issues. For a copy (free to carers and people with dementia) contact the Dementia Helpline on 0808 808 3000 or visit Dementia: money and legal matters

For more information for family members and friends visit the I am a carer page of our website.

Dementia Helpline

If you are worried and you would like to speak to someone contact the 24hr Dementia Helpline on 0808 808 3000.