A friendship stronger than ever

David’s story

Alan and I have been friends since school and have maintained that relationship over 50 years – through different lives, wives and even continents.

When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2020 aged 63, it kind of crept up on us. Interestingly, some of Alan’s character traits may have masked the onset of his dementia.

If you’d asked any of his pals over the years who’s the man most likely to sing the wrong lyrics to any song, who’s most likely to sit on a park bench and chat to total strangers, and whose timekeeping seems to be based in a parallel universe – nine times out of 10 the answer would have been “Alan”.

Alan stopped working not long before his diagnosis and we invited him to join a group of us on our regular weekly outings – and so the Happy Thursdays were born. Alan loves his food so the trips usually involved visiting places of historical interest combined with a special mission to search out the best scones and Cullen Skink in the land. We also enjoy regular music gigs too.

Although we’d known something was clearly happening with Alan, it was still a blow when he got his diagnosis. People will react to news like that in different ways and some may find it difficult to know what to say to a friend who has dementia.

But with Alan, it wasn’t too hard. He immediately took ownership of his diagnosis. His surname is Sime and he would joke that he had “Alan Simer’s” disease. He made sure that we all knew that his illness wasn’t a taboo subject and that it could be discussed or ignored as we pleased.

Dementia hasn’t changed our friendship – we still talk the same rubbish with him as we always did and he still joins us on our outings.

What has changed is that we now make more of a point of recording our time together, posting photographs and stories on Facebook. This gives Alan, his wife Tania and the other pals in the group great memories to look back on, and it also shows other friends and family that life is still moving on. For the past few years we’ve also used the photos to create a Happy Thursdays calendar as a keepsake.

As Alan’s condition has progressed, we have to be more mindful when planning our days out, looking for venues that are easily accessible and avoiding big crowds. But he is still determined to live life to the full and it’s nice to see his face light up when he hears a song come on that he knows. Although maybe not so nice when you hear him murder it by singing along to the wrong tune, with the wrong lyrics… just like he’s always done!

In a strange way, Alan’s dementia has strengthened the bonds between the wider group of friends. As time takes its toll on all of us, each birthday becomes a celebration of another lap around the sun where, hopefully, not too many bits of us have fallen off or failed. Currently Alan is a bit further down the road than some of us… but he still is and always will be our friend Alan.