Precious time together

Winnie’s story

My husband Wullie and I met when I was just 15. We grew up together and were married for almost 60 years.

He was such a wonderful person and loved his family. He never let anything hold him back, and over the years he endeared himself to so many people – working as an engineer, a fireman and a union representative. If anyone needed help, Wullie was always there.

We first knew something was wrong when he became unwell in 2010. Doctors said he’d had a series of small strokes over a long period of time, and he was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. At that point he could still drive and hold a conversation, although his memory was poor.

Things changed in 2016 when we had a family bereavement. The trauma of that seemed to cause him to develop full blown dementia. It was a really difficult time as I was caring for Wullie while we were also processing our grief.

In 2019, Wullie had a second major stroke and was admitted to hospital. It felt like I had to fight for him at every step – making sure he received the rehab he was entitled to, fighting to have him brought home with me, and ultimately fighting to make sure he was placed in the best possible care home.

Being a carer can mean taking on so many different roles, and you have to constantly be there representing your loved one. It can be overwhelming but I’ve learned how important it is to accept help when it’s offered. Don’t just say “I can manage”. And try not to let feelings of guilt trip you up.

As Wullie’s condition progressed, I realised how important it was to learn to enter his world because he could no longer enter mine. This meant resisting the urge to correct him if he said something that wasn’t quite right, because what does it really matter?

Wullie passed away in 2020 and I treasure the moments we had together.

My family have been a great support and Alzheimer Scotland have been a big help too. Wullie used to love attending their day centre groups. I wasn’t sure he’d want to go but he got so much out of it and engaging with the other people there helped keep him sharp.

I also got a lot of help from Alzheimer Scotland, especially their carer education courses which gave me a lot of practical tips and information.

To anyone who’s caring for a friend or family member, please reach out for help and talk to someone, because no one should face dementia alone.