Cherishing the happy memories

Fiona’s story

When I look back over the five years I was caring for mum and dad, it was a very challenging time, but I try to focus on the good memories we made together.

My dad George had been showing signs for some time that something wasn’t quite right, but while he was being assessed, the doctor said my mum Nessie should also go for tests.

So in summer 2022 dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, then two weeks later mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia. It was very hard.

My parents were let down badly, and repeatedly, by the health and social care system. They wanted to live independently at home for as long as possible, but I had to struggle every step of the way.

It shouldn’t be that much of a fight to get even basic care. It was heart-breaking and very tiring.

I couldn’t have faced it all without the support from Alzheimer Scotland – they were always there to help me pick up the pieces. It was a huge help being able to phone a dementia adviser or to call their freephone helpline, whether for information and support, or just to chat to someone if I was having a particularly bad day.

I used to be a social worker so I know a bit about what should be in place for people with dementia, and where I could go for help. I’ve no idea how other carers cope without any background knowledge.

It’s difficult to hear about the postcode lottery of dementia care across Scotland – it’s not right that services vary so much depending on where you live. I signed Alzheimer Scotland’s petition to stop the cuts to dementia services. I can’t imagine the health and social care system getting any worse than it already is.

I’m fortunate that I was able to make some lovely memories in the time I had with my parents.

Mum moved into a care home for her final 18 months and we had some great times together. I was able to just be her daughter again. Dad struggled at home without her and passed away in 2023, aged 84. Mum passed away in July 2024 aged 89.

They were both very individual characters who were committed to working in the community. Dad was a Baptist minister and mum worked hard to support him. She was kind, caring, loved music and loved being around kids. She was also famous for her Halloween extravaganzas every year where she would give out juice and homemade clootie dumpling to guisers.

We had a great friendship and my last memory of her is being at a country and western party in her care home, singing Country Road together. I’m very lucky to have memories like that and I will always cherish them.

I took part in Alzheimer Scotland’s Memory Walk in Edinburgh as a thank you to the charity and also in memory of my parents – it was extra special as it took place on the day of my dad’s birthday.

I hope people in a similar situation to me will reach out to Alzheimer Scotland for support. They do amazing work in making sure that no one faces dementia alone and in fighting for better dementia care for everyone.