Ally’s story
Val’s husband Ally was diagnosed with Vascular dementia some years ago and has been resident in a care home since 2023. His lifelong friend, Colin, has been a constant source of support, with their friendship offering a comforting routine and sense of normality. We met up with Val who gave her perspective on how Ally and Colin’s special connection continues to enhance Ally’s quality of life.
“Ally and Colin go way back. They both served as Royal Marine reservists during their careers and met during training at Camperdown Park over 50 years ago. They obviously hit it off right from the start because they were already great friends when Ally and I got married in 1973. They found common ground in the Marines, but it was their love of sports and socialising that really saw their friendship grow.
“Ally and I went on to have two daughters and before they were born, I can remember the three of us getting together to enjoy regular games of badminton – a pastime that endured for many decades. But as avid Dundee United fans, it was really football that connected them… that and their fondness for socialising on match days! Football, badminton, and golf – those were their three passions. In fact, when they retired, they both joined a local golf club and spent many a happy day out on the course.
“As the years went by and Ally learned he had dementia, nothing about their friendship seemed to change – it remained just as strong as ever. For several years after his diagnosis, Ally was keen to continue to do the things they’d always enjoyed together, he didn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t. Colin would drive down to collect him and off they’d both go to watch the football or have a game of golf. This was standard practice most weeks but, in the end, ironically, it wasn’t Ally’s dementia that affected the routine – it was a shoulder injury that prevented him from getting out and about.
“Around this time, spurred on by their love of ‘the beautiful game’, they both went along to Football Memories events held at Tannadice Park. These are run by Alzheimer Scotland in partnership with the Scottish Football Museum for people of any age who are living with dementia. They use football-themed resources to stir memories and stimulate discussion, and Ally thoroughly enjoyed going along once per month.
“Slowly over time, Ally’s dementia progressed, until we both decided it was best for him to move into residential care. He has been there for two years now and his friendship with Colin endures to this day. Colin pays weekly visits to the care home – I’m often there too and together we spend time reminiscing… but mostly we just chat about everyday things. Ally isn’t always able to fully participate in our conversations, but we know he greatly enjoys seeing Colin. Just ‘being together’ reassures him, and he seems greatly comforted by our presence.
“After he moved into care, we also began to establish our own ‘bubble of friends’ within the home – individuals Ally was at ease with and could relate to. In a strange turn of events, one of the gentlemen residents turned out to have served in the Marines at Camperdown at the same time as Ally and Colin, so we’ve had lots of chats and shared memories about that. It certainly is a small world!
“There’s no doubt friendship plays a huge part in both our lives. Without it, I’m not sure where we’d be. Ally’s and Colin’s faithful friendship remains steadfast, and I find great solace in that. I also have my own circle of close friends, who are always at the end of a phone. We meet regularly to do things that we enjoy, which really helps me cope with the challenges dementia brings. I never feel alone because this group of people are there for me and though they give me space to process things in my own way, I know they’ll be there for me in a minute if I need them.
“Ally and I were also very fortunate to develop great connections with our neighbours. We’ve had the same family home for over 40 years, which is the same for most of the houses in our street. We’ve grown together, raised our families, and shared many happy times as a community over the years. It’s very comforting to be surrounded by such wonderful people, who I know are always willing to extend a hand of friendship. If I need anything, I know there’ll always be someone able to help.
“Every step of our lives, and through every stage of Ally’s illness, friendship with others has been our constant source of support. Most importantly for Ally, though dementia can affect many things, it’ll never affect his connection with Colin nor the benefits it continues to bring to his life.”